


Cracks.

by SiLkY_3



Series: Estrange life happenings. [1]
Category: Haikyu
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, University AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:17:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15860727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiLkY_3/pseuds/SiLkY_3
Summary: What broke me the most was the way you screamed for me not to leave and you’ll change for the better. My heart broke when you said you’ll change for me.(I’m sorry that I made you think this way)What scared me the most...Hearing your voice stutter and mumble.“I’ll even become...become a woman..”(I love you for who you are!!)





	Cracks.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Kei-kun, Gomeninasai wa?](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/413190) by Sorano. 



> Good evening peoples from all over the world. Here’s a one shot if you are need to cry. Cause I know I needed to lol.

Have you ever had an argument that lead to many things that all added up to one big mess? 

I have. 

It wasn’t the usual you forgot to do this or you didn’t buy this or maybe if at all, the toilet seat is left up. Ironic right.

Tonight was just an average evening, I started noticing my boyfriend was acting strange for almost a week. Typically speaking, my love doesn’t do anything...remotely abnormal. If I were to give you a based example, I would point out his body language is too stiff or he seems to be thinking and absent minded. 

Tonight... I wish I knew why my love thought he was lesser being. 

I wish I clicked on how he felt about himself.

God I wish I picked up the signs earlier. 

Kei and I have been living together since he started University here in Tokyo. We’ve been dating since his third year of high school and today marked the day of our anniversary, November 20th, sevens days before my own birthday. 

5 years. 5 very long, worthwhile long years. My heart had never felt so alive by each year we’ve been together. It would’ve been 7 years... but I was already in a previous relationship at the time. 

Stupidly. I dated woman before men.  
What I mean by stupid. I did things that only woman would do, I saw Kei as a woman most of the time and forgetting he truly is a man. Don’t get me wrong. Kei is very beautiful. Deep hazel eyes that pierces you coldly, those rare lil smiles that he secretly conserves for me. Boy don’t get me started on his snark that causes people trouble. Most of all, My love is intelligent and generous. Selfless to a core. 

So why are we arguing you may ask.  
Why do you think I wish I picked up on certain aspects before this whole fiasco blew out of proportion. 

I wrongly accused Kei seeing someone else. I accused him because what I generally thought were signs of cheating turned out to be something completely different. 

When I watched the tall blonde open and close his mouth, shocked eyes boring into my very soul. I didn’t expect him to tear up and tremble. His long arms wrapped securely around his thin waist.

(when did you start loosing weight) 

I started seeing things properly and I wished I never spat those words out. I wished I never accused you of doing such things.

(When did I start loosing faith in you)

What you said to me that night...I’ll never forget the hurt in your voice. The pain you withheld for god know how long. The insecurity when you finally said.

“I will never be up to par with the women you’ve dated in the pass.”

“I wish I could give you a whole lot more like a beautiful woman can do.”

“I was so afraid of you leaving me for a girl.”

Each of those things you said to me felt like a hot iron spear ripped right through my chest. My heart was pounding that evening. My chest squeezed so tight, so when I tried to console you, I choked up when you held a shaky hand for me to stop. The quivering in your voice , lips trembling as you spoke, it was another jab of the blazing iron spear.

 

(Please let me hold you!)

I was internally screaming at myself to move, to comfort, to do something that will stop Kei from spouting these insecurities. I also started tearing up. 

I tired to apologise that evening.  
But you shook your head and said you’ll leave. 

My heart broke when I heard you say that. 

If you were to ask me to describe what regret tasted or feels like. Words can’t even fathom how I felt that evening....

When I watched you pull an overnight bag out and few items of clothing. I knew you meant it. I just couldn’t believe it. So instead of packing, I snatched your hand away from grabbing your toiletries and forced you to face me. I looked like shit but you looked worse.

(I’m more disgusted with myself that I made you cry.) 

I felt you try to tug your hand back, my grip on you was too tight. I saw the slight wince and heard the quiet yelp.  
My heart constricted when you sobbed. 

Instead of standing and begging you and being pathetic. I chose to go on my knees. I was halfway down to bow my head towards the ground when you literally forced me to stop by accidentally yanking on my hair and you yelling,

“What a-are you doing!” 

I couldn’t process what you said properly. I didn’t understand why you were crying to the point you were hyperventilating. It wasn’t til you said,

 

“I-I’m sorry! I’m s-sorry that I’m not a woman!”

Thud....

 

“I’m sorry my body isn’t feminine for you!”

 

Thud....

 

“I wish i could give you c-children!”

 

Thud....

 

“I’m so, so, so-sorry you were disowned!”

 

Crack...

 

Everything that I had In me that evening, crumbled when you begged me not to bow. You begged for me to believe you wouldn’t cheat. 

What broke me the most was the way you screamed for me not to leave and you’ll change for the better. My heart broke when you said you’ll change for me. 

(I’m sorry that I made you think this way)

What scared me the most...

Hearing your voice stutter and mumble.

“I’ll even become...become a woman..”

(I love you for who you are!!)

 

It was enough for me to yank you into my arms, my face buried in your neck, I clutched onto your body as if I could merge into one. My tears soaking and dribbling down your neck and drenching you shirt. I quietly begged you not to do it. I hugged you, I rocked you, I yelled into your neck.

 

(I want the man that I fell in love with)

 

No matter what I said to try and defy you. You would only shake your head in disagreement. Feeling you pressed up against me. I felt how tiny you’ve gotten. I felt how you trembled from each inhale you took of my scent.

 

(When was the last time we were this close.)

 

It was that evening I knew I was the one that needed to change and not you, Kei.  
My heart caved in when you screamed out your fears and pain. 

3 years down the track and I’m standing before you at the alter saying what should be heart felt vows. But all I can think about was that night where I caused you more pain than I’ve ever had. 

“Tsukishima Kei. You are the one I love and value. My heart crumbles each time I see you smile and when you laugh, boy do I feel like I’m on cloud nine. My love, my moon, you are the man I will always treasure and respect. We may not be perfect.. But baby your perfect for me” 

 

I smiled brightly at you as I wiped your tears. 

I smiled like it was the last thing I could do for you. 

I smiled as I placed your ring on your marriage finger.

I cried when you said,

 

I do.

 

 

 

 

Bonus~

 

Dear Tetsu.

If your reading this. I guess you found my secret hiding spot. I wrote this during my last year of high school and when you nag at me to send you a letter like they use to back in the war days. It made me smile knowing how cliche you were. 

What I intended to write in this letter.. well I already sent one but this didn’t make it. You must be asking why.

Well... I’m afraid if I did, you’ll drop everything to come to me immediately. 

I was afraid when you returned my feelings. I was like a teenage girl. Falling in love with someone I could not have. Watching from a distance and pretending to be happy for you. It was a lot.

 

I was afraid when I told you of my acceptance to the same University as you.

I was mostly afraid when you asked for me to move in with you. 

But as time goes by, I was more afraid of you leaving me and thought you’d better off with a woman. Honestly I wouldn’t blame you. 

As I write this down. I can’t help but remember the promise you made. So all my worries disappeared.

Ah, I should hurry and get ready for my next class. 

Forever and always.

Kei.

 

 

“I swear to you. No matter what happens, I will always love you Kei. I may not be good at this... whole dating the same sex. But I promise I’ll give it my all and treat if not more special then the woman I’ve dated. I love you and that will never change.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I apologise for any grammar mistakes. 
> 
> Hoped you all enjoyed reading this small fic as this was inspired by the lovely Carbon-14 or commonly known as Sorano so please check out their work! 
> 
> Comments and kudos will be greatly appreciated!


End file.
